Passing Storm

Yesterday while driving to work I managed to raise a storm in my mind. You can read yesterday's post to see where I ended up. Sad, lonely, confused, all because I started thinking to much on my drive in. This morning when I came up to check my e-mail the first thing on the top of the list was my "Daily Dharma" from Tricycle magazine. The quote is from Sylvia Boorstein who wrote "It's easier than you think", a simple Buddhist text that was one of the first books on Buddhism I read 10 years ago. It is a wonderful book and if you have any interest in Buddhism at all I encourage you to go to your library and check it out! Anyway, I copied the quote. I hope it helps someone else as much as it helped me this morning.


In traditional Buddhist texts the five energies of Lust, Aversion, Torpor, Restlessness, and Doubt are called "Mind Hindrances" ...because they obscure clear seeing, just as sandstorms in the desert or fog on a highway can cause travelers to get lost. They hinder the possibility of us reconnecting with the peaceful self that is our essential nature. They confuse us. We think they are real. We forget that our actual nature is not the passing storm. The passing storm is the passing storm. Our essence remains our essence all the time.



Five different energies seem like a limited menu, but they present themselves in an infinite variety of disguises. Ice cream sundaes are different from pizzas are different from sex, but fundamentally they are all objects of the lustful desire....Grumbly mind is grumbly mind; sleepy mind is sleepy mind; restless mind is restless mind; doubtful mind is doubtful mind.



The fact that it's in the nature of minds for storms to arise and pass away is not a problem....[It] helps in keeping the spirits up to remember that the weather is going to change. Our difficult mind states become a problem only if we believe they are going to go on forever. -- Sylvia Boorstein

Crazy

As I drove into work early this morning I somehow started wondering, who defines crazy. I think some of my friend's worry about me because I have been a little isolationist these days. When does being alone go from "Thoreau" to "Unibomber"? What is it I am supposed to be doing outside of my house? I am sick of shopping. I hate the movies, I am not going to pay extra to hear someone elses commentary. I don't have any desire to go stand in a bar and talk about the people around me. I am once again eating vegetarian food, so that does limit going out to eat a bit. I think most of my hobbies are rather by myself kinds of things. I like to read. I like to meditate. Sometimes I like to cook. I like to watch wierd tv shows. I don't really know anyone else who enjoys those things. I don't know anyone who has a desire to discuss my spirituality with me. I don't know anyone who wants to exchange vegetarian recipes. No one likes the tv series Gothic except for me, I'm surprised they even put it on DVD. Meditation is not exactly a team sport. I realized this as I drove to work. I am lonely. I am kind of sad about that today.

Miss. Negativity

Today I am working from home. I always enjoy the days that I get to telecommute; no long drive into work so it frees up a little time for me to cook or meditate or whatever. So, here I am wandering around this morning straightening up the house, when I hear from Trish, "Mark won't listen to me, but the National Guard is in New Orleans because people are getting murdered down there". Mark is in New Orleans this week because he HAS to travel there for work. That remark sent me closer to a panic attack than I have been in months. I just went into my bedroom, closed the door and waited for her to leave for work. I think if I had replied at all it would have hurt here feelings and I am trying to follow the precept of mindful speech.

Trish is aware of the fact that I have been on medications and go to therapy for anxiety. I have made lots of changes in my life so that anxiety is not a daily occurrence. I encourage people around me to be positive and have asked most of the people around me to not to convey to me negative ideas, thoughts, energy, news, etc. I am even careful as to what I expose myself to in the newspaper so as not to cause any anxiety. I have specifically explained to Trish all of this!! I am at a loss as to what to do. I don't want to make a big deal about it because, guess what, that makes me anxious. I can't continue to be exposed to negative thoughts, ideas and energy. Any thoughts please let me know.

Windfarms and Rich Senators

So heres what I am up on my soapbox about today. It seems that the application process for all new wind farms has been stopped because a few wealthy Senator's, surprisingly including Sen. Edward Kennedy & Sen. Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., are upset that a proposed wind farm in the channel between Cape Cod and Martha's Vineyard would upset their multi-million dollar view. Senator John Warner, R-Virginia, had tried to stop the proposed wind farm several times and in 2002 wrote a letter to the Army Corps of Engineers saying that he visits Cape Cod often. The project moved forward until Sen. Warner slipped an amendment into a military spending bill that contained a one sentence congressional order directing the Defense Department to study whether wind towers could mask the radar signals of small aircraft. At the Defense Departments behest the FAA is blocking any new wind turbines within the scope of radar systems that are used by the military. Previously the FAA and the Air Force had both signed off on the project which would be built within miles of a missle defense radar system. I'm sure this has nothing to do with the fact that Sen. Warner is chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee.

This moratorium has led to stop-work orders being sent out to at least 15 wind farm proposals in the Midwest, including one outside Bloomington, Ill that would generate enough electricity to power 120,000 homes in Chicago.

So why am I up on my soapbox about this? I find it ridiculous that one Senator is putting on hold sources of clean, renewable power so he does not have to look at wind turbines on his vacation to Martha's Vineyard. Maybe instead he would like to have a beautiful oil refinery built in his back-yard or a oil drilling platform off the coast of his vacation home! It is obvious that this Senator puts his pleasure in front of the needs to the People of the United States of America.

I encourage anyone who reads this to write their Senators, Representative and the President. We the people do have the power to make a difference! We just have to pay attention to what is going on and let those in power know that we know what they are doing and we do not like it!

Who's 40 and why is my car not shaped like a penis?

On June 9, 2006 yours truly turned 40 years old. I thought it might cause me to become very sad, maybe have a mid-life crisis, go buy a penis shaped car or any number of other things. Well, I do think it did cause something. I think it made me happy. I get to open a new chapter in my life. Maybe a chapter dedicated to doing things that will make a difference in my life and maybe make a difference in the lives of others. As I come up with things that interest me, things that I would like to do, places I can go to make a difference, etc. I will be adding them to my web-page and/or my blog. There is a link to my web-page over to the left. I'm new to putting up a web-page so don't expect too much, please! If anything interests you on it and you would like to add the link to your web-page or blog please do so.

So believe it or not I found a cool article in USA Today (Rupert must have been on vacation and no I do not take USA Today, Mark brings it home from when he is on the road)about eating locally. It seems that a couple in Vancouver, British Columbia (those nice Canadian people!) committed to eating a diet only made up of products they could find within 100 miles of their home. Which I found to be very interesting since I am trying to be more environmentally conscious. Anyway, these nice Canadian people put their info on a web-site named www.100milediet.org. I plan on going to it and seeing how I can get started.

I need to eat healthier anyway as I am now 40! BTW, for those of you interested I gave up smoking for the 100th time the day after my birthday. Please send your prayers, meditations, etc. to me as I need all the help I can get to break this horrible addiction for good! And if you feel like it write a nasty letter to Joe Camel and let him know what a bad camel he is!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY WIERD GAY, BUDDHIST, PROGRESSIVE DEMOCRAT, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

I'm Back!

Hi All,
So its been a long time since I had anything to blog about; mostly by my choice. For a long time now I've been fighting severe anxiety and panic attacks. After untold thousands of dollars for therapy, hundreds of hours in meditation and a decision to ignore what is going on in the world around me, I think I may be getting a little bit better. I'm not saying that I have left the woods and will be standing in the bright sunlight of mental health forever, but I have made a few steps into the light. On occassion I still have the urge to retreat into my safe little cave at the top of my stairs, usually known as my office, but I can mostly fight the desire off now.
I still have numerous questions that plague my everyday life and hope that some day I can come to some answers. Maybe some of you can help me along, after all some of you probably know me better than I know myself. Do I stay in the suburbs in a big, nice new home with my 2 dogs, a cat and lots of space to roam around, a garden to play in, a big kitchen to cook in or do I move back into the city into a smaller condo, but with no hour commute, proximity to my friends and family, walking distance to most things I like to do and more time to pursue reading and meditation? I don't know. Living in Dallas how do I combat the constant bombardment to be cosmetically perfect, drive the perfect car, have the perfect clothing, etc? I don't know. Spiritually I no longer know how to move forward. I know that meditation is of great help to me, the ritual of Tibetan Buddhism appeals to me, the truth of Vedantic Hinduism makes sense to me, the familiarity of Christianity appeals to me. I don't know how to pick a path and travel up the mountain without ending up standing at the bottom of the mountain starting up a new path every few weeks. Any ideas?
So I guess what got me off my butt and made me decide to blog was a movie Mark and I went to see on Friday, An Inconvenient Truth, if you would like to be motivated to be aware of what is going on around you while you worry about what to have for dinner I suggest you see this movie and get as many of your friends as you can to see this movie. Yes, it is a story moderated by Al Gore, but you will leave the theatre with a different perspective on this man. This movie humanizes him, shows us what he really cares about and really shows us the difference between him and other retired politicians. If this movie had been made before the election that he won, he would probably be the President of the United States now! While we as Americans try to figure out how we can consume more the earth is figuring out how to rid itself of the parasites known as humankind. No, gobal warming is not a theory. The arctic glaciers are melting at a huge rate, great glacial plates in the Antartic are falling into the ocean, the glaciers of Greenland are breaking up. No, it will not take 50 - 100 years for us to have a problem. Scientists predicted that the glacier in the Antartic that melted would not break up for 50 years, it broke up and slid into the ocean last year, it is completly gone. It seems that as glaciers melt they let water seep all the way through them to the bedrock on which they rest, this lubricates the glacier and it slides into the ocean and melts. If just half the glaciers in Antartica and Greenland melt the sea will rise 40 feet. Florida will be gone, most of India will be gone, lower Manhatten will be gone, land that supports 400 million people in China will be gone. The world as we know it will not exist for us and for the generations to come! Great news, huh? So what can we do? www.climatecrisis.net Follow this link for ideas and make sure the politicians that represent you know that the survival of the Earth is more important to you than whether a couple of women adopt a baby or whether we eat French fries or freedom fries. Let them know that you are tired of spending billions of dollars fighting a war to protect our oil interests when that money could be spent coming up with alternative energy sources. Let them know that opening up the oil fields in Alaska will not make much difference because Alaska has warmed up so much that roads that used to be frozen for 250 days a year, allowing trucks to travel on them, are now frozen only 78 days per year and are impassable mud pits the rest of the time.
I need your help, if you know of places on the web or just places you can call where you can buy locally made, unpackaged, organic goods that will actually help the people that make them, let me know. I am tired of spending my money at places who care nothing for their employees, nothing for the Earth and are only looking to enrich a few shareholders who already have so much money they could never spend it. We live in a new age of robber barrons, but the don't even have the decency to build a few libraries or a music hall or two. We all have to change the way we buy and live, if we do it our leaders will start to listen to us and quit listening to the guys that take them on golfing trips to expensive resorts!